actually, the eyes were green

it was strange enough at the tavern tonight for me to check the phase of the moon when i got home. top sentences of the evening were . . .

dude, i’ll hit you up with a tip next time. that broad just grabbed my wife’s tit and it’s definitely time to bail.
my boy was ten pounds at birth and once he was crowning, he just shot out. his face was all black and blue, and his eyes were like 100% bloodshot. when they saw him in the nursery all my friends could pick him right out – “he looks just like you!”
my wife asked me what color her eyes were because she said i’m always staring at her boobs. man, i married a stripper. i didn’t even know she HAD eyes!
(someone asked this pretty young girl what she did for a living, and instead of saying she was a pet groomer . . . ) “i cut hair, and every now and then I shave a pussy.”

Whiskey Chaser