it involves two characters who have already spent all the time they’re ever going to spend in my tavern. [read: they've been tossed]  one is Mr. Marky Y.  he has no shut off valve, and will continue to drink until he turns into a human puddle the likes of which you’d seldom see, even on an episode of COPS.  he is not a studly man, and there is no wonder why he may go for great lengths of time without the pleasures only a woman could bring.  (erps, you know what i mean).  it’s not really his fault, it’s hard for anyone to pick up a girl when they’ve pissed or puked themselves. 

the other is a lady who we call the Squaw.  she claims to be of american indian descent.  she also claims to be pregnant about once a year, luckily it never seems to produce weight gain.  and each pregnancy ends in a situation weirder than the previous one.  i think aliens might have been involved somewhere along the line.  she also claims a lot of odd maladies in what seems like a perpetual attempt to find a disability check. 

they meet at a tavern up the street.  Marky was feeling a twinge and made a pretty simple declaration to the lady.  “i’m horney.  would you give me a blowjob?”

it’s hard to misunderstand something like that.  but, that’s a line where the person really needs to have some charisma to seal the deal.  her response? “$40 dollars”.  so, lacking charisma, money might do the trick. 

the odd thing is that even during these tough economic times, the Squaw insightfully assessed the situation at hand, and upped her usual asking price.  apparently a man in need will go way beyond the traditional $5.  and, uh, it’s double that if you want her to take her teeth out ($10).  <pukes a little in mouth>  who could make this up??  i don’t know what it would cost if you wanted her to shave her moustache first.

so, mark digs deep and pulls out two twenty dollar bills and hands them over to the new temporary love of his life.  she finishes her beer and orders another, asking marky to pay for it.

unfortunately she had already taken the last of mark’s cash.  somehow at this point, he’s more afraid of losing the deal than pushing any issues.  so, he leaves to go to the ATM.  shortly after that, she leaves the bar with the $40. 

i’m not sure why that makes me laugh, but it does.  i can envision “to be continued . . .  ” written all over this one.

in the meantime, here’s an example of life at the tavern . . . .

it’s easy to monday morning quarterback.  and since baseball players put forth their efforts at a faster clip, it’s even easier to second guess them because you can do it on an almost daily basis.  that was probably the drive behind this next adventure. 

one of the aging regulars ended a conversation by declaring his feelings that he could hit a home run in the local little league stadium.  and so it began.  some afternooners and a couple of younger guys packed up the bat, a bucket of balls, and headed on down to one of the local fields for some batting games. the video speaks for itself. 

i know the cast of characters, so i can chuckle throughout the video.  but the highlights are certainly:

• the first four pitches
• 2:50 to about 3:20
• 5:30 onwards

i don’t know what to say, other than the guy had balls -- if not skill.  yay for balls.  i was stuck behind the bar while it took place, so i’m thankful for the video.  i’ve never seen anything quite like it.

no, he’s not drunk.  yes, we do shit like this too often. 

just wanted to share